Fair warning, if you decide to share that you and your boyfriend are going to move in together, you are likely to get bombarded with questions and judgements about doing so. A lot of these carry into when you’re already living together as well. Here’s a little list of some of the questions I got asked before I moved in with Scott, just to give you a heads up on what you may get asked. Maybe you can handle answering these with a bit more grace than I had!
1. When are you going to get engaged?
Probably the most common question asked. Living together and getting engaged go hand in hand to some. For me and Scott, we wanted to feel out living together before we made a major commitment. A lease is much easier to break than a marriage. Obviously we are very serious with each other, and are on the path towards marriage, but there’s no rush.
2. Are you sure you want to do that before you’re married?
Again, it’s quite the confusing idea to live together pre-marriage. To me, it’s a little outdated, but I know that it may totally work for some. For us, living together before marriage made more sense than getting married before living together. There are a lot of adjustments that need to be made, and time to learn both of your living styles, why not take it one step at a time?
3. You’re moving in together already?
Yes, we are. I know that you, random distant relative who I only see once a year during the holidays, truly feel that you know my relationship inside and out from our annual interactions, but I feel like my boyfriend and I may, somehow, know better than you that we are ready. (FYI, in case it doesn’t translate on the internet, that was heavy sarcasm!) Only you and your significant other can decide if it’s the right time or not.
4. What will you do if you two break up?
I appreciate the well wishes, and the fact that you clearly believe in my relationship (again, sarcasm). Scott and I discussed it plenty before we moved in. We knew that if for some reason it came to that, we would still treat each other with respect and handle things best we could. We didn’t plan on breaking up, and didn’t think it was it’s in our future (still don’t!) For us, moving in together was a major step in building our future together.
5. You know that living together will change everything, right?
One, this isn’t true. Some things change, others don’t. Plenty stays the exact same. And two, yeah I know things will change, I’m kinda hoping for it, hence the whole moving in with each other thing. Not sure why so many people think they need to use scare tactics when discussing moving in together. It really isn’t as scary as some make it out to be.
6. Are you prepared to be constantly cleaning up after him?
I’m sorry, what year is it again? Scott was well aware from the start that this relationship wasn’t happening in the 50s, and we shared an equal partnership in household duties.
7. How are you going to deal with sharing a bathroom with a boy?
The only fair question in here tbh. Sharing a bathroom with a boy is the only stereotype about living together that was really held in truth, at least for me (sorry Scott!) Boys are MESSY. But so are girls. Humans are just all kinda gross.
8. Are you sure you both are ready for that?
Yes, yes, and one more yes. Scott and I actually lived together before we were dating (long story for another post…) but we knew pretty early on that we wanted to live together just the two of us. It’s been almost a year and a half of living together, and I have absolutely zero regrets about our decision to do so, when we did it, or anything else about it. We knew that it was the right time, and made the best decision that worked for US.
Moral of the story? People are always going to judge. They’ll try to stick their nose where it doesn’t belong, maybe because they are looking out for you, or maybe because they’re just plain nosey. Either way, never forget that a relationship only exists between two people. Only you and your significant other can know what the right next step is, and if it’s the right time to take it.
PS – If you think you and your s/o are inching towards that step, don’t forget to read my other post 30 Questions You Must Ask Before Moving In Together. No judgements included (promise!)