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Exchanging relationship advice with your bff is pretty much a given of any friendship. Whether it’s good, bad, or somewhere in between, we’ve definitely all been there. But, there are a few key things you need to keep in mind if you’re giving your BFF relationship advice.
Maybe they’re dealing with some hardship in their relationship, and they’ve turned to you to vent, complain, talk it out, and get some advice.
I’ve had my fair share of relationship talks, both being the one needing to vent, and the one being vented too. I actually love giving advice, so I always welcome these types of chats. But, experiencing so many of them, I’ve definitely learned a few lessons of how to handle these convos and things to keep in mind. I’ve been burned by handling these conversations in certain ways, so I’m hoping by sharing a few tips, you can avoid having the same outcome.
The first and best piece of advice was given by my dad. I had a friend in high school who was always on and off with her boyfriend for years. Whenever they were “off” she’d come to me to complain about him. We’d eat cartons of ice cream and trash talk him for hours on end. Then, a week later, they’d get back together and suddenly I’m the bad guy. I’m the one who had all the bad things to say about him. That made it awkward for me and my friend, because she knew how I really felt about this guy. Also, I’m sure he was told at least bit and pieces of how I felt about him, so he wasn’t my biggest fan either. Couples forgive each other easily, but the friends, not so much. It really did have a negative impact on our friendship.
I was complaining to my dad about this situation and he told me that when your friend is going through boy troubles, best thing you can do is to listen, and always be mindful of how you respond, so you don’t end up the bad guy. I didn’t truly believe him at first, but after going through it first hand, I definitely learned my lesson. I don’t think you need to totally keep quiet, but be careful before you trash talk someone they could be getting back together with tomorrow. It won’t go well for you, trust me.
The second thing to remember is just something I’ve learned throughout the years. That no matter how much advice you give someone, they will always make their own decisions at their own pace. I had another friend who was dating an absolute JERK. The worst. We would talk and talk and talk about him, and she was always SO close to actually breaking up with him, but never did. I could never understand why she stayed with him, but I eventually realized how EASY it was for me to think they should break up and how HARD it was for her to actually break up with him, since it was her relationship (duh). The statement easier said than done exists for a reason. It took a while, but she did end up breaking up with him. It was something she had to do on her own time, and make peace with herself, before making that drastic change to her life.
The third thing you need to remember is to never get too involved in someone else’s relationship. With my friend mentioned above, we were having these talks all the time. It got to the point where it was weighing on my conscious if she was going to break up with him or not. I felt like I was in the middle of their relationship, and rode the highs and lows along with them. This is a very dangerous place to be. People will make their own decisions, as I mentioned before, so getting too involved only leaves you in this weird sort of limbo where you feel responsible for something that isn’t yours. It’s not your relationship, or your life, and you’ll never be in charge of someone else’s decisions. You have to let it go, and let them do whatever they’re going to do.
The fourth thing thats really important to remember is that people have to make their own mistakes, they can’t learn from yours. Maybe you previously went through a terrible relationship, and came out the other side with a fresh perspective on dating. You can share all these lessons with your girlfriend, but chances are, she won’t take them to heart unless she has actually experienced it for herself. People have to have experiences themselves to grow, and learn. They can’t inherit those lessons secondhand.
The best thing you can do for your friend, always, is to be there for them, and listen. Always remember that!
