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Moving in together is a really big decision in a relationship. It can be really tricky to know if it’s the right time or not.
I wish there was a straightforward checklist to check off to know if it was the right time or not, but unfortunately, it’s not that easy.
However, after living with my boyfriend Scott for almost 3 years, I feel like looking back on it, there were some pretty clear signs that indicated to me we were ready for that kind of step forward in our relationship.
That being said, I feel like I always need to add a disclaimer that only YOU and your partner know your relationship and what is best. Always keep that in mind when reading relationship advice on the internet ?
You’ve had conversations about the future and are on the same page
In some relationships, all talks of the future are avoided. You don’t know if you’re thinking the same thing and you don’t want to put yourself out there if the other person doesn’t feel the same. In that situation, you probably shouldn’t move in together.
To some, moving in together means you’re one step closer to marriage, but to others it may not mean that.
Have you talked about the future together? Do you plan on getting married and having kids, and if so, is that something you both want? I think an even more important question is, are you comfortable talking about the future together?
It’s very important to be able to discuss these things openly and honestly because making the commitment of moving in together.
You are able to handle disputes and disagreements respectfully and maturely
If you haven’t had even a slight disagreement, I think I’d argue that it may be too soon to move in together. I know those unicorn couples exist out there that *never fight* but I think being able to have disagreements in respectful manner and be able to talk through them is a crucial factor in deciding if you should move in together.
Unless you’re one of those unicorn couples, you will have disagreements. And living in close quarters only adds to the stress and intensity those disagreements can take on.
If you and your partner have already figured out how to handle these types of conversations, then you’re definitely on the right track to being ready to live together. As long as you both can be respectful when they happen and fight fair, you should be good to go.
You’ve taken a vacation together or stay at each other’s places a lot
Vacations are totally different than real life living together situations, but it certainly gives you a glimpse into what that life may be like. Same goes for spending plenty of time at each others house or apartment.
That gives you an idea of what their living style is, how clean they are, their living routines. Moving in together can be a very big change, so the more compatible you are in that regard, the better.
The honeymoon stage is over
If you’re still fully in the lusting over each other 24/7 stage of your relationship, then you’re likely not in the right state of mind to be making that kind of commitment of living together. You’re still all lovey dovey, and your judgement is likely being clouded.
Once it’s over, maybe you start to see a few more of their flaws, you have an argument or two, and so on. I feel like this is where your relationship really begins because the lusting stage is over, and you still choose your partner.
Your love grows. You work out how to communicate. Start planning your future. Now you’re starting to think a bit more clearly, and can rationally decide if living together is a good idea, rather than emotionally deciding.
You’re comfortable talking about finances
Sometimes talking money can be an uncomfortable topic, but when living together, you need to be able to talk about it. How will the rent be split? Or groceries? Who will pay for what is a topic that often comes up.
It definitely wasn’t comfortable immediately for Scott and myself, but came with time the longer we dated. Once you live together, you can’t really avoid talking about it, so being able to do so comfortably is definitely an important consideration.
You’ve discussed it thoroughly
There is plenty to figure out about living together, and you should think about the big questions you must ask before moving in together. From location, to closet space, to actual expectations about how living together will go, it all should be figured out before you pack your boxes. If you go through all the questions from my post I linked above, you should be golden!
It feels right
I’m always going to be a big believer in trusting your gut. I think it rarely steers you wrong. So, if in your gut you feel this is the right decision, then you should go with that. And if your gut is telling you not to do this, that it’s too soon, or just an overall bad idea, I think you should trust that.
If you’ve decided the time is right to live together, CONGRATS!! It’s an exciting time. Be sure you grab the essentials you’ll need before the big move.
Remember, only you and your partner can decide what is best for the two of you! I hope this gives you a little idea of some things to look for if you’re feeling a bit unsure!