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Does your significant other have the Acts of Service Love Language? I’m sharing below 101 ideas, perfect for him or her, on how you can best show them love. Whether you’re already “speaking their language” or need some examples of where to start, these ideas will be great to add to your repertoire.
In case you’re unfamiliar, one of the most popular relationship books out there is The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. It’s a really easy to understand and an interesting concept about how we show and feel love in our relationships. I highly recommend picking it up here.
The free quiz to figure out your and your partners Love Language is here. In case you’re feeling a little skeptical, it’s the #1 best seller in marriage books, and has 4.8 stars out of 5 on Amazon, with over 13,500 reviews. I think that pretty much speaks for itself.
If you are looking for ideas for the other Love Languages, check the posts below:
Words of Affirmation
To give you a quick summary, it’s about how we each have a Love Language, and our partner has to “speak” that to us in order for us to feel loved. If you’re not “speaking” it regularly, your partner may be feeling unloved.
There are 5 different ones, and if you don’t naturally “speak” it, it can be a little difficult to pick it up. Not impossible of course, but it’s a new habit you need to work on developing. So, I wanted to provide a list of ideas to give you a place to start if your significant other’s Love Language is Acts of Service.
I think for someone who has this Love Language, or any of the Love Languages really, it’s all about going out of your way for them. In both big in small ways, it’s showing them that they’re worth going out of your way for to help them with something or complete something for them.
You love them enough to be a little inconvenienced. Of course, you shouldn’t guilt them for it, that totally defeats the purpose. But showing them that you don’t mind doing a little something extra, just for them, can go a long way.
It means something different to everyone, so ask them what it means for them. How can you best show them you love them through Acts of Service? This can be a hard question, so perhaps you could ask them to think about a time you helped them out with something and it made them feel good.
You could also ask them to pay closer attention to moments where you’ve done something for them that made them feel happy or loved. Big or small. Those are all Acts of Service that and mean you’re “speaking their language.” Make a note somewhere of what you’ve noticed or what they tell you, so you have a running list if you’re ever in need of ideas.
If neither of you have an idea of what they will respond to best, just try a bunch out and see what happens. Let them know so they can be aware and tell you which made them feel the best, or do it in private so you can judge their reactions yourself.
Whichever receive the best reactions are the ones you need to make note of. See if you can brainstorm other ideas that are related to that one as well. Try out a bunch and you’ll figure out which ones are making your partner feel the most loved.
Another idea is to read them the list below and ask them if any of the ideas stand out to them as something they’d appreciate.
If the Acts of Service Love Language is yours, don’t be shy! Tell your partner what makes you feel loved, what acts you appreciate, and the little things that bring you joy. The clearer you can be to them, the better they can “serve” you!
You can also start paying closer attention to ways you can “serve” them, although don’t feel like you ever need to be their servant. Just look for little ways you can be more helpful, and add a little more ease into their lives. And don’t feel it needs to be these grand gestures either, even the small little acts can add up.
Also worth noting is that it might have more meaning if you don’t ask them if they need something done, but just do it for them instead. Scott has the Acts of Service Love Language, but if I ask him what he needs, he’s likely to tell me not to worry about it, because he doesn’t want to inconvenience me.
For example, sometimes he has trouble falling asleep, and to help him sleep he will make some sleepy time tea. Once he’s already in bed though, he doesn’t want to get out of bed to make it. If he says that he’s having a hard time falling asleep and I ask if he wants me to make him tea, he will hesitate, say no, or just brush me off, because he doesn’t want me to have to get out of bed for him.
Instead, I will just get up and make it, or I’ll ask him if he will drink tea if I make it. This way either I’m just doing it without asking, or phrasing it in a way that isn’t asking if he wants me to do the act itself, so then there is less guilt involved for him.
If the Acts of Service Love Language doesn’t come naturally to you, then you need to make a conscious effort to develop the habit. Set a reminder on your phone every day, so when it goes off you’ll remember to look out for a little thing here or there that you could do.
You may not be able to perform an act of service whenever your alarm goes off, however if you’re planning on it, set alarms for different times every day. You don’t really want it to come across like it’s so scheduled, but rather that it’s naturally coming from the heart. It may take some time to build up that habit though, so no shame in doing what you have to to remind yourself.
If you feel like you can give this type of love to your partner no problem, or already are giving it to them, that’s great! I would suggest checking in with yourself or them every once in a while and see if you’re doing as well as you think. I say this because I truly thought I was killing the Acts of Service Love Language game with Scott, but after writing this post I’m realizing how much I’ve been slacking, and I need to make more of a conscious effort.
Don’t feel like you need to go and do every single item on this list. My goal for this list is that it’s a jumping off point. It gives you some ideas if you’re stumped, and hopefully inspires some of your own ideas.
If any stick out to you as something your partner would appreciate, put a note in your phone with them, so you always have them handy. You could add this to the list you made of ideas you thought of or ideas they gave you as well. This way, if you decide to set an daily alarm to remind you, or remember on your own, you can quickly check the list and see which one works for that day.
Acts of Service Love Language Ideas:
- Do their dishes after dinner
- Pick up their dry-cleaning
- Have dinner ready when they come home from work
- Make their lunch for work
- Declutter a disorganized space in the house
- Surprise them with breakfast in bed
- Fill up their tank with gas
- Put away their laundry
- Clean the kitchen, wipe down the counters and stovetop
- Iron or steam their outfit
- Take care of the bills
- Make them their morning coffee or tea
- If they left something at home accidentally, bring it to them
- Put a towel in the dryer for them to have a warm one after their shower
- Clear the snow or ice off their car
- Reorganize the pantry if it needs it
- Warm their car up for them when it’s cold out
- If they have a chore or errand they’ve been avoiding, do it for them
- While you’re watching your favorite show together, offer to make them a snack
- Do all of the research and planning for an upcoming vacation
- Make a list of a few restaurants for an upcoming date night for them to choose from
- Bake them their favorite dessert
- Put a blanket over them if they fall asleep on the couch
- If they ask you to do them a favor, do so happily
- If you get up to grab yourself a drink or napkin, grab one for them as well
- Take out the trash and recycling
- Help them make a decision they’re having trouble with
- Get the car and bring it to the curb when it’s raining
- If they’re sick, bring them medicine, soup, tissues, or whatever else they need
- Do the grocery shopping
- Meal plan for the week
- Get their oil changed
- Mow the grass
- Give them alone or decompressing time when they come home from work
- Tidy up around the house
- Pick up their dirty laundry and put it into the hamper
- Start their shower if your water takes a little while to heat up
- Help them with a work project
- Ask what their least favorite chore is and do it for them
- Let them sleep in on the weekend
- Let them have the last bite of a delicious meal, or dessert
- Follow through on things you said you would do for them
- Give them a back rub or foot massage
- Run an errand you know they need to do
- Bring the condiments they like over to the table
- If you’re out at a casual restaurant, offer to fill their drink for them, or grab them silverware
- Make the bed
- Clean the bathroom – especially the dreaded toilet
- Prep food they need for the week ahead of time – meals, washing and cutting up fruits or veggies, etc.
- Put fresh sheets on the bed
- Change batteries or lightbulbs
- Put a fresh towel on their towel rack
- If you see they’re running low on a toiletry, pick some up for them
- If they say they have a headache, bring them a pain reliever
- Have their favorite show waiting for them when they come home
- Do a home repair that needs to be done
- Schedule a technician for bigger home repairs
- Clean out their car
- If they mention an activity they’ve been wanting to go do, schedule a day to do it
- Clean up after you have friends or family over
- Drop off and/or pick up their prescriptions
- Unload or reload the dishwasher
- If you’re already out running errands, ask them if they need anything
- Shovel the snow
- Clean the nooks and crannies of the house or apartment you both never can get to or forget about – baseboards, under the couch, etc.
- If they’re cooking dinner, help prep the ingredients
- If you’re at an event, offer to grab them a drink or snack
- Bring them a charger if their phone is low on battery
- Grab their coat, wallet, bag, etc. for them before you leave to go out
- If you see them in the middle of a chore or task, jump in and help or better yet, take over
- Rake the leaves
- Schedule dinners with friends or family
- Pour them their favorite adult beverage to unwind or have fun
- Go through mail that’s been sitting their
- Clean out the fridge of old leftovers or anything that needs to be trashed
- Grab toilet paper on your way home from work if you’re almost out
- Stock up on their favorite items if you see they’re on sale
- Clean up or organize the pile of receipts
- Sort through important documents and create an organizational system
- Light their favorite candle (This one is my favorite)
- Draw a bath for them with bubbles, bath salts, oils, or any combination of their favorite things
- Think of gift ideas for people you need to get gifts for
- Take care of something that brings them stress or unease
- Do something they ask of you right when they ask, happily
- Refill the salt and pepper shakers
- Hang up their jacket when they come home
- Water the plants
- Let them out at the curb and go park the car
- Make the reservations for your date night
- If they have little things that make them anxious, do what you can to alleviate them – comfort, doing the anxiety inducing thing for them, etc.
- Put away the groceries
- Preheat the oven for them
- Fluff their pillows before bed
- Leave their keys by the door
- Unpack their lunchbox after work and clean the tupperware
- Clean up the kitchen after they’ve cooked
- Put a new roll of toilet paper and recycle the old tube
- Sew on a button that’s fallen off of an item of their clothing
- Save them the last of something – milk for their cereal, last piece of bread for their sandwich, etc.
- Replace something they or you’ve used up and use regularly
- Open the door for them
I hope this gives you some ideas of where to start showing some love towards your Acts of Service significant other.
If you have any ideas of your own not listed above, I’d love for you to leave them in the comments below so we can have an even bigger list of ideas. Especially if you have an Acts of Service Love Language partner, and you practice is regularly.
Or if your Love Language is Acts of Service, and you have specific ideas of little things that make you feel loved. Leave them all below!
Want to read more about the different Love Languages? Click here for all related posts with even more ideas!